ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
