She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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