dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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