So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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