So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
