Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just gargled with NyQuil
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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