Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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