Your mouth is God's brothel.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
