I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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