girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
