I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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