Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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