Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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