you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
