I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
