So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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