The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
