What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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