I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
