remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
