I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
