Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i think my mom watched the whole time
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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