i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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