So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
