he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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