i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
