hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
