I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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