just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize