On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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