Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
either way he was missing a nipple.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Come share oat with me in your robe
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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