I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
