Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
