Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
