My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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