You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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