he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
