dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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