I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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