God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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