bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
