Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize