Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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