and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
