You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
