He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dick very happy bro
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
