another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
