his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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