Betty ford says i'm here all night
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
