i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
