Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
