I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
