Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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