i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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