im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
