I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
