I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I deserve this hangover.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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