I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
