UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize