Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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