I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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