i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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