Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't deserve a penis
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just want to make out with him forever
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
