If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
