i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
