Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
