I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
