the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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