we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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