Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
