So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize