ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
