Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
