Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize