We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
