Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
