Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I want her autograph on my taint
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
